Cry me a River
by Kuchiki Michiko
Summary: If not always, if not never, then once. 'To create hope in one’s own mind for something that will never be, is pointless and a waste of ones time.' Ichi/Ruki First fanfic! pls review! Update: Wedding rewritten!


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Author's note: ok this is my first completed fanfic. It is also my first Ichi/ruki fanfic. (well duh) so please read, and if you like it, maybe you'll like my other fanfic _To Follow Her Fate_ (Bya/OC). Pls enjoy! OMG I am soooooo wonderful. In response (a very late response, so sorry, don't kill me) to reviews saying that the wedding was rushed, I lengthened it. I hope you  
find it good enough. (See reviews are needed to help me fix my prblems!)

Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me. If it did, Ichigo and Rukia would have gotten together long ago and one of the movies would be based on Kuchiki Byakuya. Oh. and the lines about favorite words do not belong to me either. I think they belong to kate Dicamillo author of 'Because of Winn Dixie' and 'Despereaux'

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If Not Always, or Never, then Once

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She lay in his bed, bandages wrapped around her arms and stomach, unconscious – compliments of a dangerous hollow. He sat by her side, holding her hand, worried. It was his entire fault. If he had been there on time, this probably wouldn't have happened to her.

Instead, he had been slacking off for no reason. She had gone off on her own, and he had found her in her current state, bloody and unconscious with a hollow towering over her, ready to enjoy a 'shinigami meal'. He had quickly slain the hollow, picking Rukia up in his arms and running back to the clinic, where he had cleaned and bandaged her wounds, guilt eating and gnawing at his insides. Now, all he could do was wait and be sorry.

The first thing that she noticed was pain, eating, clawing at her from her arms and sides… darkness enshrouded her. What happened? The hollow… pain… seeing Ichigo right before she fainted… Ichigo! Where was he? Why was everything so quiet? Someone squeezed her hand.

"Ichigo…?" she whispered faintly, her voice dry. She opened her eyes.

"Rukia!" He gasped her name and she suddenly found herself in a suffocating hug.

"I'm sorry Rukia. I'll be there next time and I'll always be there for you."

Even in her pain, she smiled.

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_My favorite 6 letter word is 'always'… because it promises so much._

_--_

Rukia glowered at her red-haired friend standing in the doorway.

"Excuse me." She said loudly. He didn't budge.

"You're in my way! I will be late for my mission and Nii-sama will be angry. Move!" He still didn't budge, but folded his arms across his chest.

"You really do look forward to seeing him that much don't you?" Renji spoke quietly. She stilled, but gave no reply.

"It's none of your business." Her reply was short and she roughly pushed past him to hide the growing blush on her face. _Why was she blushing so much just from hearing his name?_

Behind her Renji frowned.

"Rukia. You know that you two will never be together. You are a Shinigami and he is still a living human. Even though he did do Soul Society huge favors and is a war hero, it won't be approved of. It will never happen Rukia."

Her face was on fire.

"Baka Renji! Mind your own business! He's only a friend! A FRIEND!" She yelled at his now snickering self.

Somewhere deep inside her, despair and sadness took refuge together.

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_My favorite 5 letter word is 'never'… because it insists on contradicting the promise._

_--_

They were alone in his large home. Isshin, Karin and Yuzu were out for a movie, much to Karin's chagrin. Ichigo had decided to skip out and kicked his Oyajii into the ground when he suggested that Ichigo accompany them.

It was an hour ago when they left. Ichigo and Rukia had both finished their schoolwork. The house was silent and even the hollows were inactive on such a peaceful night.

The door to her closet opened and Ichigo stuck his head in. She was about to yell at him for not knocking first but before she could make a sound, he reached out and grabbed her wrist, an uncharacteristically soft look on his face. She felt the beginnings of a blush on her cheeks.

"Come, I want to show you something."

He led her onto the roof of his house and lay down. Curious, she sat down next to him.

"What did you want to show me?" She asked softly looking down at his handsome face. He did not speak, but reached up and pulled her down so that she lay next to him. She suddenly became aware of their close proximity.

"The stars." He finally spoke.

"When I was young and my mother was still alive, our family would often spend our family time stargazing. The stars are especially bright tonight. I wanted to share them with you."

When she looked at his face, he was blushing slightly. She was suddenly thankful for his presence. He had opened up to her for the first time, for once.

She smiled softly and leaned over, kissing his cheek before taking his hand, lying down again and enjoying the starry night sky with him in companionable silence.

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_My favorite 4 letter word is 'once'… because it says that it happened then._

_--_

"Kuchiki-san, do you have feelings for Kurosaki-kun?" Inoue's cheerful voice was laced with curiosity. They were sitting comfortably in Inoue's home, eating red bean ice – cream.

Rukia's first thought was to yell and deny the fact, but Orihime cut in.

"You do, don't you? You don't have to deny it Kuchiki-san. I know because I can see how you look at Kurosaki-kun, and I can see the way he looks at you." Inoue's voice was serious for once and Rukia's head snapped up to face her.

"Inoue…" She said softly. Orihime's face was suddenly cheerful again and she blushed slightly.

"You two are so sweet together, just like me and Uryuu-kun!" she giggled as she spoke of her boyfriend and they continued to chat the whole afternoon away.

_Yes,_ Rukia thought with a smile. _Yes, I really do love him. Even if our relationship would be looked down on, even though Nii-sama would disapprove, it can't change my feelings. I… really love Ichigo._

Inoue Orihime had no idea what she had just done for her friend.

_My favorite 3 letter word is 'yes'… because I'm just now learning to say it to my heart._

Rukia was never one to daydream and to wish for things that could never happen. 'To create hope in one's own mind for something that will never be, is pointless and a waste of ones time.' Her Nii-sama once said. And she believed him wholeheartedly. How many times had she woken up in tears from nightmares about Kaien-dono and Miyako-dono? How many times had she shed tears over them, wishing, wondering what it would be like if they had been alive. How long was it that she had spent after their deaths, walking around like a life-less being in the Kuchiki Manor, until her brother spoke those words to her?

Being the person that she was, she never questioned her Nii-sama's words, holding them in her heart and believing in them. She found that she agreed, there were many things that were not possible, that one would wish were possible. It held no meaning for one to imagine, no meaning in wondering, no meaning in having so many 'ifs' in one's mind.

Rukia became a practical person, not allowing herself to wish or to want. _Wish not, want not._ She recalled in her mind an old human proverb that she had learned during her stay in the human world. But she could not help but to wish, to want and dream for for impossible things.

Ichigo was one of them. They were impossible. Ichigo and Rukia, Rukia and Ichigo. No matter how you put it, no matter how _good_ it sounded, how _right_ it sounded, Rukia told herself over and over again that it was not possible for them to be together.

Yet this time, she couldn't stop herself from hoping and wishing. If only she and Ichigo had a chance… If only she could have loved someone else… if only…

--

_My favorite 2 letter is 'if' … because it makes all things possible._

_--_

It was a beautiful day… a beautiful day to be married. She smiled radiantly as she clung to her Nii-sama's arm as he led her down the aisle of a church in the real world. Her eyes met her love's eyes and she smiled even more brightly and she reached the altar.

Her Nii-sama paused slightly at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the altar. He did not want his last words as the man in her life to be bitter. Yes, after this day, she would be that man's wife. Although, she would always be his sister, she would not be coming to him to seek help anymore. No, that would be her husband's job, to protect her always.

"Rukia." He spoke slowly.

"Yes, Nii-sama?" she was hesitant. Looking at his younger sister's face, he paused for a moment.

"Be happy." He chose his words carefully and watched as she smiled radiantly and flung her arms around him and closed her eyes with a soft, trembling smile.

He could only stand in shock at this uncharacteristically _emotional_ show from her.

"Arigato, Nii-sama." Her eyes were begining to become wet, glad for her Nii-sama's approval and she knew that he truly cared for her as a sister. He nodded.

"Now go, he is waiting for you." He motioned to Ichigo was slightly smirking at him.

Rukia turned and continued up the stairs by herself, reaching the altar and taking her beloved's hand in her own. The priest cleared his throat and spoke.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness..."

It had been hard for the both of them, going past the disapproving glances of arrogant elders, the stares of the other shinigami, gaining the approval of Yammamoto Soutaicho and finally asking for Kuchiki Byakuya's approval… but in the end, it had been all worth it.

As she stood there at the altar, staring up at her love, not really listening to the priest, scenes of their happy times together flashed in her mind.

_"Rukia, um about the school dance. I don't have a partner yet and everyone has to have one, so I was kinda wondering... if Keigo or anyone else didn't ask you yet..." He trailed off and couldn't continue, blushing to the roots of his hair. Rukia smiled in delight._

_"Ichigo, are you asking me to be your date?" his face became even redder if possible._

_"I understand if you really don't want to, but-" she was cut off by the brushing of her lips against his own._

_"I'd love to." Rukia answered with a blush of her own._

Rukia smiled. Yes, that was a day that she would remember for the rest of her life, and she was sure that he would too. Memories rushed through her and she treasured each and every one of them, dwelling on particularly pleasant ones.

_"Rukia, what's wrong?" The door to her closet opened. It was midnight and Ichigo had been awoken to muffled sobs and cries coming from his closet._

_He had not been expecting, however, for Rukia to launch herself at him and cry into his chest and he definately had not been expecting her to apologize. _

That was the day, she recalled, that she had told him about Kaien-dono and Miyako-dono. He had been as understanding as ever, and she found herself comforted by his mere presence, by his reassuring words, repeating over and over, the words that held a promise of imprtance to her.

_"I'll always be here for you Rukia, always."_

Memories rushed into her mind. _The first time they met... when he had saved her from execution... all those times that he had risked his life for her... his battle with Aizen, how she had been afraid, so, so afraid that he would be hurt... how she sat by his side for months, waiting for him to wake up... the first time he told her that he loved her... their first real date as boyfriend and girlfriend... introducing him to the elders... him asking her to marry him... how she screamed and threw her arms around him, tackling him and saying 'yes' over and over into his chest... how she had listenend outside the door when Ichigo asked her Nii-sama's blessing in their marriage... the happiness that she had felt when he had consented...making preparations for the wedding..._

and as she thought, she knew that she would be happy with him forever. Her thoughts were cut off by the priest.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, do you take Kuchiki Rukia to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day onward, in sickness or in health, in rich or in poor, through better or

worse, til death do you part?"

Looking into her eyes, he smiled and said loudly enough for the whole congregation to hear.

"I do."

To her, those two little words were more than two little words from him. They were a promise. A promise of love and companionship, for the rest of their lives. He would love her.

"Kuchiki Rukia, do you take Kurosaki Ichigo to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day onward, in sickness or in health, in rich or in poor, throught better or

worse, til death do you part?"

Looking into his eyes, she smiled and said in her soft voice,

"I do."

To him, those two little words were more than just two little words from her. They were a promise. A promise of always being there, with him, through whatever troubles they would have to go throught in the future.

They exchanged rings and the priest smiled as he gave them his blessings.

"You may kiss the bride."

Kurosaki Ichigo and Kurosaki Rukia shared their first kiss as husband and wife to the cheers and applause of the Gotei 13, their friends and family.

Rukia smiled at her husband as they were showered in flower petals as he led her down the aisle and out of the hall to the reception area.

Yes, for once, fate had let her be happy. For once, she felt that life was truly a gift.

-

_My favorite 2 letter word is 'if' … because it makes all things possible, like this:_

_If not always,_

_If not never,_

_Then once._

_Yes._

_Yes,_ she thought, life is truly a blessing, for once. And in her heart, she cried a river of happiness.

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_Owari_

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Author's note: OMG! I think the ending was seriously crappy. Pls tell me what you think! Oh, since I don't really have any goals in writing right now, if anyway has a requested pairing for me to do, pls give me a theme or title and the requested pairing. I like my works to be appreciated!

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